The second weigh-in

Dieting is not a way of life and it shouldn’t be. What should be a way of life is making the best of what you have and if you aren’t happy with it, making some changes. That’s what I am doing right now…dieting certainly isn’t my way forward.

This week has been an interesting one. It was the first full week back at work after the 11-day Christmas break. The social media expert was out sick so I was sharing responsibility for the posts with my manager. I had my first review at my current workplace (which opened my eyes to how people think of me and it was surprisingly nice – for a change). We had our first weigh-in since the new eating plan commenced.

My week of healthy eating didn’t exactly start out well. Last Friday one of my nephews turned 16. Unlucky kid has a birthday right after Christmas, when everyone is pretty broke and gifts are cards full of promises (at least mine was, it was also rather funny and I was pleased I had been able to find it).

It was, unfortunately, true. We do, however, have a tradition when it comes to his birthday, though he is trying to change it.

Anyway, back to the ‘not great’ start to the week of healthy eating…

For the birthday treat (and a farewell to my oldest nephew who is doing the equivalent of a ‘grand tour’ for the next six months), we went to a restaurant in town that serves nothing but fried food. Burgers, fries, fried macaroni cheese balls smothered in cheese sauce and bacon, thick milkshakes and not a pint of semi-skimmed milk in sight. The food was good, but it was incredibly greasy and the meals were MASSIVE. The birthday boy had a 6 burger stack (it was impressive). I ended up choosing the kid’s meal, but even that was more than enough to fill me up with the calories for two days.

Illustration only!

That was just the start of the food week. Saturday I was healthy, but then my stomach was making me pay (ten-fold) for the food fest of the night before.

Sunday I had pasta…a mistake I will not be making again (until the next time I really fancy a bowl of pasta with Quorn and peas). I had a stomach ache, cramps and indigestion for the rest of the day and well into the night.

The pasta probably wasn’t my worst mistake. What was, on this occasion, was giving in to the urge to fall back on old habits. With my stomach in knots and wishing at that moment that I had someone else’s body (I didn’t even care if it was larger than mine I was in that much pain), I turned to the worst habit, the one I am finding hardest to break…I stuck my fingers down my throat. I have to admit that while I felt the worst kind of guilt afterwards, the fact that the pain was gone was the biggest relief.

Please don’t judge, though. I have been doing much better of late, it’s not something I do as often as I once did (after every single meal for around 15 years). I now use it as a last resort, to bring about relief when I feel like if I don’t the pain is never going to go away…I also manage, to my own relief, to avoid reaching the point where my blood vessels burst (anyone who has a history of bingeing and purging will know exactly what I mean 😦 ). I am not ever going to encourage this as the ideal weight loss method…it really isn’t.

Monday I started off really well. I had a protein shake made with semi-skimmed milk for breakfast (I am really loving the Myprotein coconut shakes, they have a really good flavour – no, I am not sponsored!). For lunch, I indulged…in an apple. For dinner, I had a jacket potato with a few slices of grilled bacon (backless), and some half-fat cheese (don’t know why I bother with this as it doesn’t melt properly and doesn’t taste anywhere near as good).

Tuesday was another really good day, though my nerves about my upcoming employee review were starting to get to me. I followed a similar pattern, switching out the potato for a sandwich.

It’s Wednesday, hump day, where everything took a dive. I got a lift home, which meant I didn’t go to the shops as I normally would. Pizza Hut being so convenient, and relatively cheap, has a lot to answer for. I got home earlier, but with no food in the house I gave in and ordered a pizza, and cheese triangles (they aren’t that good, if I’m being completely honest). I ate the pizza through my growing guilt…and it tasted a little like burnt ash in my mouth.

By Thursday the “Whatever, I’ve already screwed up…” feeling had grown to full force. I got home and had been unable to resist the urge to get something chocolate – hello there Cadbury’s Chocolate Mini Rolls.

I wish they weren’t so good

Stupid thing is, I’d had a good day! I had my review, was told that I was an asset to the team that everyone thinks is great. The feedback I had was so incredible that I was legitimately speechless (and anyone who knows me will tell you that my Social Anxiety Disorder makes this a rarity – it makes me babble to hide my nerves and nervousness when I am with people).

I ate all of them and then regretted it if only because I knew that the next morning was weigh-in day. They were good, quick to eat and tasted like heaven.

Friday arrived, weigh-in morning and I headed to work with a nervous stomach roll…no, it wasn’t the chocolate rolls.

People were already lining up at the kitchen door when I arrived at the office, weight losses had already been celebrated and I stood there, waiting anxiously to see the figure rise…

…It didn’t!

Weight – 11/01/2019: 246lbs
Loss: 4lbs

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