She couldn’t even look me in the eyes…

…as she told me that my role was no longer necessary, as she told me I was no longer necessary.  Guess this sums up, greatly, how crappy today went.  In the rating of 0-10 where 10 means great and 0 means shitty today was a -2000.  That I am already home and have been told I don’t need to go back in until next Wednesday says a lot, at least I think it does.

Right now I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me, but I will get up and do it all again, I have no choice, I have rent to pay, bills to pay and however tempting not existing sounds at the present time I am stronger than that.  I have had a bit of a cry and in a moment or two will likely have another one, but I have done that alone, I refuse to allow the heartless bitch who made me feel worthless to know how much this whole thing is hurting and humiliating me.  Everyone knows, they’ve been whispering about it and not exactly laughing but I can hear the relief in their voices when they know it’s not them.

Sorry for being so depressing…I am tired, frustrated and terrified.  Why does money mean so much…bartering would be so much easier, I can bake like a bitch in heat (haha)…seriously, they are going to miss my brownies, double chocolate mousse-filled cupcakes and carrot cake!

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