This morning I woke up to an increasing awareness of one single thing…my back!
Yesterday I had repeated bouts of rather agonising back pain, but they came (and went) rather quickly. Last night when I went to bed the back pain was an almost constant presence.
This morning when I woke up all I could do was cry.
I got out of bed – I cried – I had a hot shower, hoping it would relax the muscles and somehow help with the pain – I cried – I walked passed my nan’s room and told her that I would be leaving later for work today as I was in pain – I cried…see the pattern here?
Anyway the main purpose of this post isn’t the self pity…what it is about is the fact that my nan – who appears to have an amazing propensity of “Oh poor so and so, they couldn’t do this”…or “so and so had that wrong with them” was more obsessed with going through every single reason why I had a back ache rather than the fact that I was in so much agony that a) my teeth hurt and b) I was actually crying because I was in pain.
My nan, as I was literally hobbling back along the hall to my bedroom, asked me what exactly I wanted from her, as though the idea of offering me sympathy was totally foreign. Is it so much to ask that she says to me “Sorry that you’re in pain, is there anything I can do for you?” rather than “well what do you expect me to do about it? it’s probably your weight…sitting up at the computer in your room…watching television…it’s not as though it’s anything to do with exercise as you never do any.”
I know that this is likely coming across as a pity party…it’s not meant to, it’s just meant to show that my nan – who can show all the sympathy in the world to everyone else in it – has absolutely no concept of how much pain it takes for me to cry, and how difficult it is for anyone to talk to her about anything at all because apparently she has had it all!