Does anyone want to buy a Grandmother?

My nan is driving me absolutely nuts.

Yesterday morning my sister came over to get some help with her homework. My nan, being the ever-present person she is, came upstairs and started talking to us (we had 2 hours in which to finish her essay and get it all typed up, spell-checked and printed) about things that had absolutely nothing to do with the assignment and succeeded in doing nothing more than delaying us in our task. We ended up over-running as we tried to get things done that should have been done at least 20-minutes before.

Also she became Mrs Postie and threw two christmas cards from Canada onto the bed and waited there, watching me, while I opened them. I am sure she expected me to bounce around and dance for joy that my aunt and one of my cousins (who I haven’t seen for almost 10-years) remembered to send me a card (which I am sure was just a pre-cursor to the wedding invitation I am going to get to her wedding – just another thing that my nan won’t shut the fuck up about).

Yesterday afternoon I came home from the cinema to the 20-questions I have become accustomed to, but this time she was irritated because I had gone out to dinner as well as to the movies and hadn’t told her. I was unaware that at almost 32 I had to answer to her when I did things independent of the house – but apparently I was wrong. I got a mini-lecture about how I should have called her and told her that I was eating out – it was an inpromptu decision, my friend and I came out of the movies and realised that we were hungry…yep, of course I should have been psychic and told her about this before it happened!

Fast forward to this morning. I went downstairs to get my breakfast and my nan was putting up Christmas decorations. Well I am the original scrooge. I find that much of Christmas is pointless. I love the Christmas plays done by my sister’s children, and I am okay about spending part of the day with family, but for the most part I find it more than a little bit draining and a source of a LOT of arguments. My nan then came upstairs to bring up my Christmas cards (from cousins that I see once in a blue moon – and that my nan sees only a little more often) and asked me where I was putting up the cards. I told her that I was only putting up a few because I didn’t have room for them all (and cards from friends and the family I care about are more important than cards from relatives that send them as a responsibility – although I didn’t say that bit to her). Forward on a few moments and we have a discussion about how I am so selfish and uncaring about other peoples’ feelings because I am just me and, in her words, “You just have to be different, don’t you!” Apparently she feels sorry for me because she is sure that I am going to end up a lonely old woman with no family and even fewer friends. I was very tempted to say “Oh, you mean like you?”

There are so many reasons I want to sell her, and I realise that as I write these things down I am not selling her well…still, does anyone want to buy her?

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