It’s my mum’s birthday today. She has made it past the first year since she was diagnosed yet today I can’t help not focusing on that and focusing on something else entirely.
My mum has chosen to spend her birthday with my sister. Now normally I wouldn’t mind (well I would, but I wouldn’t put so much thought into why I am hurt). She’s spending tonight at my sister’s house and then tomorrow my sister is spending the night at the home we all grew up in having a birthday do complete with pampering (face masks, pedicures etc etc)…I wasn’t invited.
My mum made sure I knew all about her fantastic plans (she told me when she phoned me last week – which in itself is a strange occurrence [her phoning]) but not once did she say “Do you want to join us?” Part of me wants to scream “This is really not fair.” But the other part of me, the part that has been feeling all kinds of crap for a very long time is more focussed on “What is wrong with me that my own mother doesn’t want to spend her birthday with me?”
Is there something wrong with me? Am I the sort of person that not even a mother can love or is it just that my mum would rather spend her time with someone she likes rather than someone she has to love?